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Articles
- Relationships |
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nub of it all is that as our feelings colour what we experience,
it is the quality of our earliest relationships that have helped
to build up the sense of ‘me’ as an unique human being. Looking
even deeper into the importance of relationships we come to a fundamental
question – do we feel lovable and worthy of love? This can be put
another way – do we actually like ourselves as a person? To have
a sense of being someone who is worthwhile, who while having weaknesses
and failures nevertheless is generally ‘alright’ – secure in the
knowledge of the love of family and friends is a wonderful gift.
It is this gift that our parents can give us especially in the early
months and years of life through the way they interact with us and
respond to our needs. It is also the gift you give to the children
in your care as you establish a relationship with them based on
your care, empathy and ability to nurture them through their struggles
to manage their emotions, play and learn. Why
are relationships so powerful - especially in the early years?
As discussed in the previous article, we human
beings are exquisitely prepared to interact with other people
immediately from birth. Nature has presented the human baby with
a positive arsenal of biological, physical and emotional ‘weaponry’
to ensure that we make a close relationship with our mothers.
Our preference for faces from the first moments of life ensures
that we are automatically attracted to the faces around us. The
appearance of smiling face triggers high levels of opiates (the
‘feel good’ chemicals) in the brain and also influences a whole
range of other chemical reactions which allow the baby to feel
joy and excitement and it is these same chemicals which are involved
in the growing of new connections in the brain (think back to
article 2). Our mothers too are helped by nature to ‘tune in’
to our needs as most mothers ‘experience a period of heightened
arousal and responsiveness after childbirth’ (Cozolino, 2000).
In fact, even before the birth of the baby, most mothers appear
to become preoccupied with thoughts of their baby which again
seems to continue well into the first year. Mother’s brains are
activated by the sight, smell and sounds of their newborns to
ensure that they respond to their needs. New mothers, for example,
can recognise the smell of their own baby even after just an hour
of contact. Smell, if we remember, is one of the senses that does
not go through a ‘gateway’ in the brain but goes directly to the
area of the brain that processes the information with strong connections
to both emotions and sensory memory. Babies too, quickly learn
the smell of their mother’s milk – even if bottle fed!
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