In last
month’s article, I talked about our feelings/emotions and this
time , I will be discussing further how the power of those feelings,
builds up the type and quality of a relationship, the importance
of attachments and the growth of empathy.
In the Early Years Foundation Stage Document, one
of the four main principles is that of ‘Positive Relationships’.
This describes how children ‘learn to be strong and independent
from a basis of loving and secure relationships with parents and/or
a key person’. At the heart of this principle, is the phrase ‘a
basis of loving and secure relationships’. In other words, the
EYFS acknowledges that the foundation for a child’s confidence
and ability in all areas of their life, is the quality of their
experience with their primary carers – most often their parents.
The present embedded in the past
Relationships are important to us all as we react and interact
with other people both singly and in groups in a wide range of
situations. As we go through our day to day lives, we are constantly
having to interact with other people and as we do so, we are continually
‘fine tuning’ our responses, shifting the way we behave dependent
on what is happening around us and who we are with. Without thinking
about it, we move from one emotional state to another. Take a
simple example, you are shopping in a supermarket and you meet
an old friend, you bump into a stranger, you ask an assistant
the whereabouts of an item. Each person will invoke a particular
response in you, no matter how fleeting. You may be extremely
irritated a not finding what you want, feel anxious or cross at
bumping the stranger, be glad to see your friend or want to avoid
them because you are busy and short of time!! During all these
responses, you will probably adapt the levels of your voice, your
facial expression and your ‘tone’ that you use to talk to each
person without really being aware that you are doing it.
In these circumstances, two processes are at work. Firstly, you
have learned to manage your emotions and secondly, although you
only have a ‘relationship’ with just one of these people, your
whole attitude will be coloured by your sense of self and your
experiences laid down in the earliest years as well as your mood
at that particular time. If you are not convinced, think about
how you react when you bump into someone, how confident you are
– or not – when approaching strangers, how certain you are of
your friends, that is, do you feel, for example, that you are
the one who always rings them or do you feel your friendships
are mutual? If your old friend always seems to want something
from you might this influence the levels of pleasure you have
when seeing them???
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